


Guilt-Ridden Burner

by iggycakes



Series: Vignettes from Motorcity [1]
Category: Motorcity
Genre: Dubious Consent, Guilt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-08
Updated: 2012-10-08
Packaged: 2017-11-15 22:18:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iggycakes/pseuds/iggycakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mike’s sleeping with the Duke. Chuck knows. And he hates it. He hates it because he’s also been with the Duke— The Duke of Detroit who fucking terrifies him to bits, the Duke whose calls he can’t ignore. Guilt and stuff happens. He even seeks comfort from Rayon. And yeah.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guilt-Ridden Burner

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr! A lot of people seemed to like it so I decided to resurrect my AO3 account to post it here as well. It's originally based off a prompt that Foervraengd/Mirre thought up, but I'd combined it to a few headcanons of my own (plus a previous fic I'd written) to create this monster of a fic.

Chuck didn’t need to be told twice.

He listened to Mike’s footsteps walk away, back down the steps. Chuck exhaled deeply and rubbed his arm, trying desperately to keep himself together. He wanted to fall apart so desperately. He needed to, but he couldn’t. Not here. Not anywher. Not since Mike couldn’t help him anymore. He bit his shivering lip and staggered down the corridor to go find Texas. Chuck tried to keep his orders in mind, but it was so hard— it was so hard to think about the safety of Motorcity when he had only just figured out what Mikey had been up too lately. The insomnia, the late nights, the excuses, the inconsistencies— Really, it was a surprise Chuck didn’t figure it out sooner. He’d been seeing the Duke. For how long? Chuck wasn’t sure. He didn’t even want to think about it. It would over as soon as he did.

Chuck breathed out again. He leaned on the wall by Texas’s door and slapped himself to regain composure. Snap out of it, Chuck. Snap out of it. There was going to be an attack in a couple of hours. He couldn’t afford to act all weird at a time like this. Motorcity needed the Burners. The Burners needed him. Alright, Chuck. You’re fine.

He raised his hand, ready to knock the door, but before he could, the door opened, and there Texas was. Chuck took one look at him and he couldn’t do it anymore. His knees failed and he started crying.

Texas immediately jumped. “Whoa there! Now, tell Daddy Texas what’s wrong before crying like a little girl.”

Chuck hung his head and hugged his knees, trying to sob more quietly. Stupid, stupid! What was he doing falling apart in front of Tex? This really wasn’t the time for this. It wasn’t. He had responsibilities, and an image to uphold. What would the others think if they knew what was going on? Chuck wasn’t Mike. He couldn’t throw lies out as easily as his bro could. He couldn’t smile like nothing was wrong. He couldn’t push the guilt out his gut. He couldn’t vomit it out either. He could only hope nobody asked him anything. That’s all he had. Fear and guilt.

He knew he didn’t have the strength to keep any of it secret, and yet his body had the gall to give up in front of Tex.

Texas who, despite looking incredibly confused, kneeled down and extended an arm to rub his back with. Chuck almost wanted to cry harder, but he didn’t. He calmed himself down, reducing his whines to a little whelp. He choked and sniffed the last of his cries.

 “S-sorry about that, Texas.” He croaked out, clearing his throat.

“What’s that, like, an anxiety attack? Do you need a big hug or something?” The shorter man opened his arms. “Texas is _right_ here.”

“Nah, nah…” Chuck tried a little laugh. “It’s nothing, man. I’m good. Just came to, uh, wake you up— but you’re up already so, we’ve got to go regroup. Julie called and—“

“Aw _yeah,_ an attack? Is there going to be an attack?” He asked, excitedly. “Bring it, then! Come on lady, let’s go!”

Chuck smiled weakly as Texas started ahead. He didn’t know whether to be afraid or relieved that Texas didn’t ask him anything. At this point, he felt like he’d break down and cry again if he tried thinking about anything anymore.

He grabbed his chest, his fists clenching around the burner insignia on his shirt. This— this was his only identity, the only one that really mattered. His name was Chuck. His best friend was Mike Chilton, leader of the burners. He was good with computers and practically everything frightened him. But, in spite of his fears, he always did what he had to do.

Whoever, or whatever, it was he became when— Well.

That Chuck wasn’t him. It wasn’t.

-0-

“Chuck? Hey! Is there something wrong?”

“Huh, what?”

Chuck turned to his right. Mike was throwing worried glances at him. “Dude, I’ve been trying to get your attention for the past two minutes. What are you spacing out for?”

Chuck bit his lip. “Nothing.”

“You haven’t been happy since the Duke showed up and agreed to help us.”

“Mikey, I just…” He sighed. “I just don’t think it’s such a good idea to keep asking him for help, you know?”

“Hey, we didn’t have a choice. There are just some things that the Duke, with his connections and resources, can find out faster than we can. Besides, he wants to keep Motorcity safe from Kane just as much as we do.” Mike replied simply.

“You do remember he tried to sell us to Kane the first time we met, right?”

“Well, that was another time.”

Chuck held back a laugh. Another time, Mike said. What a joke. Mikey had just fallen for the Duke’s charms. After all, who couldn’t? The guy was just positively entrapping— addicting, even. And if Mike had fallen, there was no way Chuck could escape. No way. It was a curse now, a drug— a play he couldn’t end, a shitty horror movie that refused to give up trying to scare its audience. What a joke. What a fucking joke.

How long, Mikey? How long have you going to bed with him? A week? Two? A whole month, maybe? Since we’ve met him? Why couldn’t I have caught you after the first night? I could’ve warned you to stay away— to never go back. I could’ve warned you about him.

Who’s supposed to save me now, Mikey?

But that was the other Chuck thinking.

Mikey’s Chuck was being himself. He squeaked out information as they popped up on his holographic monitors. He screamed and cried as Mike took Mutt out on crazy paths, doing crazy tricks as usual. He survived another Burner mission. He saved Motorcity from Kane’s bots yet again.

Mission accomplished.

-0-

“Hey babe, I need you here.”

“Duke, I—”

“Now.” Duke’s little box head avatar wasn’t taking ‘no’ for an answer. Chuck watched it dance over his screens with despair. “Limo’s waiting for you at the usual spot. See you soon, cher.”

The box head zipped out. Chuck took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. He knew the Duke would call tonight. He had wished he wouldn’t, but he did. He tugged on his bangs, taking rhythmic breaths in attempt to remain cool about everything. Really, it was just the same as always. The fact that Mikey was screwing the Duke too now didn’t change anything. Same old. Same old.

Chuck snapped the holograms away and got up from his bed. He took a quick glance at himself and headed out. Julie caught him on his way out.

“Going out this late?” She looked at him oddly.

“Uh, yeah. Just a walk. I’ll be back later.”

“Sure,” Julie blinked. “You know, you and Mike have been doing that a lot, lately.”

“Doing what?”

“Sneaking out,”

“I’m just going for a walk, really.” Chuck didn’t want the conversation to go on. He pushed past her, quickly. He didn’t want to give her enough time to question him some more. He’d already choked in front of Texas earlier. He didn’t want Julie to find out he was broken too. Then he’d really have nothing left.

Chuck started walking faster as soon as he’d left the Burners’ garage.

He let the tears come down then. But he didn’t cry. He didn’t make a sound— not a whine nor a sob. The tears just slipped out, pushed by the wind, into his bangs and sometimes down his face. He wiped them all off as soon as he gotten into the Duke’s limo. Thank god no one could see his face.

-0-

Chuck was sitting up on the Duke’s grand king-sized bed, a voluptuous pillow behind his back, and the Duke snuggled on his lap. He looked down at the much older man, afraid of how easily he succumbed to him. He was so scared of how much he liked it and of how much better he felt now that they’d had sex again. Just an hour ago, he was ready to throw himself to the wind and give up. Now— Now, he felt like he could go back to the garage and pretend like nothing was wrong. Chuck was so afraid of how often he felt like that. He was afraid of how good and, at the same time, of how awful the Duke made him feel about himself.

The Duke said this was payment for the favor he did the Burners today. Chuck desperately wanted to scream. Why not Mike, then? Why not call him? You’re screwing him too. Why do I have to pay for the favor? But he’d stopped himself from saying anything. He hadn’t fallen that low. Blaming Mike for his own inability to refuse the Duke? Come on. How could he?

The Duke reached up for his face, brushing the tip of his bangs softly. He had a grin on his face, like he was plotting something. Chuck whined at that, knowing that he wasn’t going to like what came after.

“I want to see your face while we make love.”

“No.”

“Well, you don’t have a choice, babe.”

Of course he didn’t.

The blond-brunet crawled over to the other side of the bed, opening the drawer to the end table. He grabbed a pair of elegant-looking pins.

“Come here,” he said.

Chuck didn’t protest. He dragged himself over slowly, shivering with every movement. The Duke merely grinned excitedly at him and, as soon as Chuck was in arm’s reach, he pulled him over. Chuck resorted to rhythmic breathing again, making the Duke laugh as he propped the blond on his lap facing him. Chuck’s legs were folded by the other man’s waist. He looked down at the other man. Breathe in. Out. In. Out. The blond-brunet pushed his right-side bangs away, pinning to the side of his head with one pin. He did the same with the other, just as slowly. Chuck’s blue eyes were full of terror as he stared down. His lips shivered. His body shook. The Duke smirked and ran his hands down his sides.

“Shh,” He whispered softly. “It’s okay,”

Chuck couldn’t even bring himself to shut his eyes.

“It’s okay,” the voice repeated.

It’s going to okay.

-0-

“I’m sorry Chuck, but all the rooms are taken.”

“ _Please_ Rayon,” The blond begged. “I have nowhere else to go.”

Rayon looked at the poor boy. He was messed, weak-looking, shivering despite the decent temperature. He must have struggled to get here. If a Burner couldn’t turn to a Burner at a time like this, Rayon wondered just how broken the blond was.

“Please, it’s just for tonight… I need to get away from… I…” He mumbled weakly.

The boy clearly had no fight left in him. He’d be a dick to send him away. He wasn’t ‘kind’, but he wasn’t on the Duke’s level of insensitivity either.

“Fine,” Rayon finally replied. “You can sleep in my room.”

The blond looked up at him, almost shocked. Rayon almost grinned at that, but he didn’t. What did he want to do? Compare the Burner to a stray mutt? That was almost sick, considering what he was probably going through. He adjusted the glasses on his face, opening the door wider to let the poor boy inside. The blond got up and in slowly, throwing Rayon a glance as he stepped in, as if he was afraid he would close the door on his face.

But he didn’t so, the blond breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

“My room’s on the last floor. The last one down the hall.” Rayon told him. “Look for my nameplate and wait inside, alright?”

The boy nodded and immediately set off. Rayon watched him get in the elevator before bringing up his computer. He looked through the holographic contact list and called the Duke on video.

“Rayon, baby, what’s going on?”

“Your blond toy’s come over.”

“Really?” The Duke laughed. “Weak kid, isn’t he?”

“You’re not making it all that better, Duke.”

“Are you scolding me, Rayon?”

Rayon snickered. “Of course not. I just figured you ought to know where he ran off too.”

“Fine, then. You’ve let me know. Anything else?”

“Ah, yes. One other thing.” Rayon shook his head. “Sleeping with Chilton. Probably a bad idea, you know.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that three weeks ago, love? If you’re jealous, you could always come over a little more often.” The Duke had a bright wide smile on his face.

Rayon wasn’t one to play with his ploys. “I’m afraid not, Duke. You can’t treat me the same way you treat those Burner boys. Good night.”

-0-

Rayon’s room was no different than any other guest room. Even the sheets and curtains were the same. Then again, Chuck didn’t peg Rayon for the worldly possessions type either. He was so unlike the Duke in practically every way. Rayon was cool, level-headed, probably patient and incredibly mysterious. Chuck couldn’t figure out what the guy wanted or thought at all. Maybe it was the shades, but he guessed it was more of an attitude thing. Rayon carried himself like he had all the time in the world to do everything.

It was both admirable and extremely attractive.

Chuck jumped at little when the door opened and Rayon walked in.

“It’s just me,” He said, as he walked in. “Sorry the room’s small.”

Chuck shook his head furiously. “It’s better than nothing. Thanks, I… I really didn’t know what I was going to do.”

“Go home to your Burners, maybe?”

The blond hugged himself. He didn’t want to go home yet. Not like this. Not when he felt so incredibly filthy and miserable. If he went home, he’d have to throw around more lies. He’d have to smile at Mikey, despite knowing the truth. He’d have to tell him he alright, when he wasn’t. Chuck didn’t want to do that.

“I don’t mean it.” Rayon added. “Just get rid of those dirty clothes and go to sleep, alright? You’ll be better in the morning.”

Rayon made his way to the middle of the room and took off his suit jacket. He threw it over the back of an armchair before working on unbuttoning his shirt, slowly, patiently. Chuck watched him from the bed, frozen. He felt his heart pumping. He swallowed. Really, Chuck? Really? After everything’s that happened today, you’re getting turned on at the sight of _Rayon_ getting undressed? The blond wanted to cry again. Why? Why him? He never wanted any of this. He never wanted to sleep with the Duke in the first place. He never wanted to find out Mike was sleeping with him too. He never wanted to come here either. He just wanted to go home and be normal Chuck. He wanted Julie to bring Claire down again, just he could act stupid trying to get her attention. He’d rather be stupid, awkward and cowardly Chuck than this— _this._

This being, turned on at the sight of Rayon, of all people, getting undressed.

Damnit Chuck.

Damnit.

Rayon slipped his pants off and folded it neatly over the coffee table. Then, he made his way to the end table and pulled off his glasses, laying them there. Chuck watched him, almost entranced by Rayon’s slow, cool movements.

“What are you looking at?”

“Nothing!” Chuck squeaked.

Rayon smirked. He wasn’t that naïve. “Were you looking at me?” He gestured to himself. “At this?”

The blond shook his head, and bit his lip. He clenched his fists over his lap and fixed his gaze outside the window. Rayon wasn’t taking that. He walked over to him and cupped his chin, forcing Chuck to look up at him. “You want me to comfort you?”

Chuck hid behind his bangs, but it didn’t feel like it was working. It was as if Rayon was looking right through him.

“You want to sleep with you? Make you forget everything so you can face your friends tomorrow?”

Chuck couldn’t help the whine. It came out. On its own. Against his will.

“I could do that, if you asked. So ask.”

Chuck didn’t want to. He really didn’t. But he needed it. He wanted to forget so badly. He wanted to erase everything and make it all better.

“Not going to, are you?”

Rayon pushed Chuck down on the bed and hovered over him. The blond’s bangs fell off the side of his face, revealing his bright blue eyes. He was on the verge of tears.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

Rayon clicked his tongue and rolled over to the side. Chuck took a moment to realize the other man had pulled off. He turned to face him, with a blank face. “I just… I just need to hang on to someone.”

Rayon opened his arms. “Come here, then.”

Chuck didn’t need to be told twice. He rolled over into the man’s arms and started to cry. Just little sobs. And Rayon didn’t do anything. He simply hugged the blond tight. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t pat his back. He didn’t tell Chuck it was all going to be alright. He just held him closely all night over the sheets. It was cold, but Rayon didn’t budge. And eventually, he fell asleep to the feel of Chuck’s soft blond hair snuggling up against his chest.

In the morning, Chuck wasn’t there anymore. Rayon shivered and sneezed as he woke up. He was slightly disoriented for a moment before he realized the Duke was calling him. He answered groggily. “What do you want?”

“I forgot you were so grumpy in the mornings.” The Duke’s smug voice came through. “I just wanted to know if my ‘toy’ was alright.”

Rayon glowered at the holographic screen. “He’s probably gone home. The ungrateful kid.”

The blond-brunet roared with laughter. “I’m sure he’s plenty grateful. Do I even want to know how you two fell asleep over the blankets instead of under them?”

“No.”

“No? Actually Rayon, I do want to know. So, tell me.”

“No.”

And Rayon hung up. He slapped his forehead, falling back over the bed to look at the ceiling.

-0-

“Chuck! Where’ve you been? I was about to bust a butt looking for you!”

Chuck smiled at his best friend. Mike was in the garage, sitting in Mutt— probably all ready to go look for him. Julie, Dutch and Texas came running from the other direction. Dutch spun around and slapped his forehead at the sight of him. Texas shot him a smile before nudging Dutch, and saying something like: “Yeah, see. He probably got lost on his walk or something. Texas told you so.” Chuck smiled at the sight. Then, he glanced at Julie who was smiling with a hint of suspicion.

The blond flailed his arms. “Chill out, guys. I just… ended up staying at Skylark for the night because I’d walked too far.”

“Dude, how’d you end up walking _that_ far?” Dutch asked, completely appalled.

“Well, it’s fine as long as you’re okay, I guess.” Julie squeezed in.

Chuck only laughed in reply. The three Burners, having made sure that Chuck was totally alright, made their way back to Jacob’s counter. But Mike stayed in his car. The brunet was looking up at him worriedly. Chuck leaned over.

“You do know I don’t believe a word you said, right?” Mike started.

“Figured,” Chuck shrugged.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on with you?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” Mike froze up, as expected. Chuck grinned. “It’s alright. Just forget it.”

“But it’s not alright.” Mike clenched his fists. “It’s really not.”

Chuck poked his head inside the car and planted a quick kiss on Mike’s cheek. “It’ll be alright eventually.”

The brunet gaped at him. “Chuck…”

The blond merely smiled again.

Yeah, it’ll be alright. Eventually.


End file.
